Understanding children's play

"I don't play. This is what I do!"

The four year old who said that is making the point that for children, play is life itself. It is the means by which children learn complex skills such as running, jumping and climbing. They also learn social skills, explore moral values and develop imagination and creativity. Children's play is seriously hard work.

As a parent, understand the importance of children's play, encourage children to play, provide a safe and supportive environment in which they can play ... and leave them to it! Don't try to control, direct or manage your children's play. Don't intervene even when they are doing something incorrectly unless it is a safety risk. Let them make mistakes - that's an important part of learning.

Avoid toys and games that discourage imagination or activity. Plain paper and crayons are much better than colouring-in books, for example. TV may keep the children quiet but it discourages imagination and activity. So too, do most computer games.
 

Child development and play

Understand your child's development and the different stages of play. Why does a four year old love to play dressing up games whereas a nine year old spends a lot of time bouncing a ball repetitively on a tennis racquet?
 

Toddlers

For the toddler and even during the first years at school, play is the means by which a child learns. In play, youngsters are teaching themselves. Fantasy and imagination are central to play at this stage. The child may even have an imaginary friend. Don't discourage this, simply accept the 'friend' and talk naturally about them as if they are a real person.

Playful fantasy can be an acting out of pleasant or anxious experiences using imagination and dolls or toys. Take the example of a toddler who does not like being left alone when put to bed at night. She developed a daytime game in which she puts her head down and closes her eyes, then opens them and smiles. What could she be doing? In fact it seems she was practising enjoying being left in bed alone

A three year old is playing in the back yard when a large dog jumps the fence, knocks him over and prowls around the yard a few times before disappearing again over the fence. The little boy then refuses to play in the yard alone. His mother buys him a toy dog which he starts bossing around. In this way he replaces his fear of the dog with the pleasant feeling of being in charge.

From about 18 months, toddlers engage in reciprocal play they get toys from each other but play alone. Parallel play starts at about two years. Toddlers play beside each other, but without playing the same game or working cooperatively.

From about three years they may start to engage in social play. Now they start to do things together. They share goals and interact in trying to achieve those goals. It is at this stage that they start to see their playmates as other individuals with whom they can be friends. Now they start to understand concepts of 'mine' and 'not mine'. Inevitably at this stage lots of fights and clashes happen as they learn the meaning of sharing.
 

Younger children

From about four years their play may take on a different meaning as they start to practise their parents' values and standards. Now they often start playing mothers and fathers, setting standards, scolding and disciplining their playmates or toys. A little girl likes to bite people when she is angry with them. Her mother tells her that she should talk and not bite when angry.

The little girl then starts teaching her pet dog that he should not bite but should bark when angry. Don't use children's play as a means of influencing them. A five year old boy starts walking around the house in a dressing gown, blessing rooms with holy water after a visit by the local parish priest. His religious father is tempted to use the play as a chance to encourage the boy to think of the priesthood as his chosen vocation. But intervening like that can inhibit the child's use of play to learn about their social world.

Play fantasies are essential to learning good and bad, right and wrong. A little boy plays with his toys, enacting scenes where the doll does what he does and gets told by his mother that he is naughty. The boy acts the parent and has the doll do the right thing and get praised for it and rewarded with a smile by the little boy. By playing at being mother, he learns to understand other people's feelings. He is putting himself in the parental shoes and trying out how they experience his behaviour.
 

Older children

From seven years, your child will probably spend much more time playing with friends. Organised sports, lots of hard physical activity, and learning new physical skills are all likely to be more important. They may want to camp outdoors.

As they gain more confidence they will go further afield, seek challenges, and relate more and more to their playmates and less to their family.
 

What about sport?

Children's early experience of sport can have a lasting impact upon their enjoyment and participation in physical activity throughout their lives. Children play sport to make friends, have fun, and learn to use movement skills. Such things are more important to children than winning prizes or pleasing adults.

Children can be injured in sport, though 50-70 percent of sport injuries are preventable. Children's sport is relatively safe and the benefits far outweigh the risks.
 

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