Promoting resilience in your child

Some people seem to be able to cope better than others when faced with a set-back or other adversity.

We all know someone who amazes us with their ability to survive illness, family tragedy or other crisis and come out of the situation a better, stronger person. Then there is the person who stays calm, takes charge, helps other people cope, while those all around them panic or go to pieces.

That special something is known as resilience - the ability to bounce back. It is hard to define exactly what it is.

It is not an either/or matter though. We all have it to some extent. As parents, however, we want our children to be as resilient as possible and there are things we can do to encourage it.

Children are not just born with resilience and it does not happen by magic either. Instead, international research has shown that it is a blend of three factors that occur in childhood. First, there is the home environment the child grows up in. It needs to be one that provides unconditional love, is well-organised, provides a clear sense of right and wrong, and is consistent.

Second, there are the inner strengths and qualities of the child's temperament. Given a secure, consistent and loving home life, these will develop to the full extent of their individual personality.

Third, the resilient child has developed and well-trained interpersonal skills. They know how to get along with other people, find people they can trust and can communicate effectively. Inevitably, as they grow up, your children will encounter some adversities or set-backs both in the home and out in the wider community. The range of possibilities is mind-boggling.

Here is a list of some:


Within the family

  • poor health and hospitalizations
  • illness of parent or siblings
  • death of parents or grandparents
  • separation, divorce, re-marriage or re-partnering
  • accident or fire causing personal injuries
  • moving, family or friends
  • parent's loss of a job or income
  • poverty
  • homelessness
  • abuse, including sexual abuse
  • abandonment
  • suicide
  • forced repatriation of family
  • murder of a family member.


Outside the home

  • adverse economic conditions
  • bullying, including text bullying
  • car accident
  • flood, fire or earthquake
  • property damage from storms, floods, cold, drought
  • burglary or robbery
  • abuse by a non-relative
  • illegal migrant or refugee status
  • murder in the neighbourhood.


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