Guiding your child's behaviour

Everybody has to learn some basic rules of life and ways to behave if they are to get along well with other people - if we didn't, society would be a mess.

Discipline teaches your child about the rules of life. If children don't learn these rules they will find it very difficult to get along with family, friends and at school. Their behaviour becomes difficult and they become unhappy and frustrated.

Managing your children can be very hard work. At first you have to be in control, but as your child grows, they learn to control their own behaviour. A trusting relationship with your child is vital to this process. It is important to encourage rather than punish - smacking is not necessary.

We outline here some simple but effective ways to encourage good behaviour. We also list where to go for help and advice - being a parent is hard work and there are organisations that can help.
 

Discipline

Discipline is about teaching your children how to behave - your child will then learn how to get along with family, friends and at school.

When you teach your child discipline, it is important to keep things positive. It is better to guide your child to do the things you want them to do, rather than stop them from doing what you don't want them to do.

Such positive discipline is a very important part of loving and caring for your child.
 

Positive encouragement

This is the best form of discipline. Children are more likely to learn the sort of behaviour you want if you encourage them towards it. What worked best for you as a child - encouragement or punishment?

Here are some practical steps you can take to positively encourage your child's behaviour:

Notice and praise good behaviour
Remember, you are the most important person in your child's life. So when you say something like "I really like it when you play quietly together", they will appreciate the encouragement.

One step at a time
Appreciate the good things your child does, instead of criticising what they don't do. Thank them for mowing the lawn rather than criticise them for not sweeping
the drive.

Clear, quick rewards
Keep the rewards simple, practical and fast. Encourage children by using "when you ... , then ..." statements. For example, "when you have eaten your lunch, then you can play", "when you have had a bath, then you can watch TV", or "when you have done your homework, then you can use the phone."

Getting along with your children
When your child misbehaves it is very hard to get along well with your child and easy to forget the nice times you have together. Instead, both of you end up feeling angry, upset and resentful, but punishing your child won't make you feel better.

Be sure to plan good times together. You could make time to play with your child, or make bedtime a special quiet time of reading stories and sharing secrets.

With an older child, take an interest in their activities outside home - go to a school or sports event.

Find time to do something together such as cooking, playing football, or going to the library.

Wounding words
When you are angry or upset with your child, it is very easy to say things which you might regret later, to be sarcastic or harshly criticise your child and their behaviour. Such words can hurt children deeply, even if they don't show it on the surface. Words which hurt most make the child feel stupid, silly, unworthy or unwanted.

It is so easy for adults to say things like, "how could you be so bad?", "I wish we never had you", "you're more trouble than you are worth" or call a child "stupid" or "bad". But children take such statements to heart when they are said by someone as important to them as their parents. 

They may believe that words said in anger are meant all the time. So always try to avoid the wounding words. Instead, try some basic and simple techniques [Stopping behaviour you do not want] to correct your child's behaviour which don't hurt you child or make them think that you only love them when they are good.
 

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